Many of the Thai girls you meet in the bars/discos/nightclubs want to be your paid holiday girlfriend! Others only want to keep you company for a few hours or for the night and hopefully she say goodbye to you in the morning with a kiss on your cheek. If the girl don't want to leave you in the morning she probably thinks of herself as your new holiday girlfriend!

Finding girl company for the night/week/month/year is extremely easy in Patong.
Too easy will some say. One never go home alone after a night out.
Even if you want to sleep alone you will "always" wake up next morning with a girl sharing your bed. This is after all Patong. A paradise for men, both young and old!

With one hundred or so bars around Soi Bangla and others spread around Patong you will not find it difficult to find a bar where you can sit down with a cold beer while enjoying the company of one the girls working there. They will all be more than happy to chat and play bar games with you while you order more and more drinks. You are happy. The bar owner are happy and the girls are happy knowing that the bar has earned money this night too!

If you meet a girl you would like to get to now better in one of the bars and she agree to go with you and the bar has not yet closed for the night then a bar fine have to be paid. Her leaving the bar where she work means less income to the bar and that has to be compensated.

If you don't meet a girl before the bars close then don't worry. Many of the bar girls that has not been bar fined earlier that night will go to a nearby disco or nightclub to have fun. There you will see them again and have a second chance without the need to pay a bar fine.
Discos and nightclubs are also where freelancers like to hang out while looking for a 'hansom man' to go home with.
Next morning you should wake up with a girl sharing your bed. If not, you must had a blackout and forgot which hotel you staid at!

There is a good chance the girl you met last night want to stay with you more than one day. But don't say yes if you want to meet other girls. Instead send her home. Don't forget you are here on vacation to have fun in paradise before going back home to the real world where no girls will shout 'hansom man' to you in the street.

If you still want to stay with her and take her on trips around the island, do it, and you will have a very good time with a lovely sweet Thai girl.

But read this first so you know the name of the game:

Some girls have boyfriends all over the world sending them thousands of baht every month.
Of course their boyfriends think they are the only man for her. While at the same time they work in one of the many bars in Patong hoping to meet a hansom farang with an even thicker wallet!

I don't say you can't meet girls and have fun, but don't give them too much money. If they love you they don't care so much about money anyway.

The best thing you can do is to only stay with a girl one night. Next day you meet another girl. If you stay with a girl two nights in a row she will treat you as a boyfriend and can get very angry if she see you with another girl.
It doesn't matter if you give her money for her company, she will not like to see you with another girl.

If she like you she may want to stay with you so long you stay in Phuket. If you decide to stay with the same girl you will have to pay for meals, tickets for trips, maybe a gift or two - like a gold bracelet. Thai girls love gold, it is a status symbol to show off for her friends. And when she need money, the pawn shop is never far away.

Maybe you don't have to pay bar fine every day, but that depends on the bar.
She will not always ask for money, but you can be sure she will ask for your e-mail address.

She will keep in touch with you, but the email you will receive are not always written by her. Lots of girls get help from the shop, friends or farangs to write back, so expect your email to be read by many people. Don't write anything you don't want others to read.
Sooner or later you may receive e-mail telling her mother's buffalo is sick or her sister is in hospital, asking for you to help her out with some money. She will send it to all her farang boyfriends hoping some of them will send money.

Never forget that Thai girls have a perfect memory, they will remember you for the rest of their life.
In Patong the girls take care of each other, both with money and information. Your girl will always now every move you do. If she stay in Bangkok or Isaan doesn't matter, her friends see everything and want hesitate to call her.

This is only some friendly advise. It doesn't mean you can't have lots of fun, but make sure she is a girl and not a ladyboy!

But the most important thing you must remember is that working girls work for money!

And don't forget that Patong is a paradise for men and every girl is different.


1. Between December and March many farang walking ATM machines will come to your bar. Choose carefully! Everyone have money, but some have more than others. If his skin is very white, check that he is not dead. If not so, this is your lucky day since he must be a Japanese. Every bar girl know they will give you heaven and earth just for a kiss.

2. No matter how young and handsome he is, no matter how fun he is, make sure he understand you only go for money. Don't sit close to him before he has paid the bar fine. As soon he has paid, you can let go and run your hands over his body, arousing him. Maybe he will not pay you, but your boss will not complain. Have fun this night for tomorrow only man you will get is a fat, ugly and smelly man.

3. Start collecting email addresses from all of your boyfriends. Since it will be your family's source to a life in luxury. Once you have a good collection of addresses, a visit to your local internet cafe is in order. All of those email addresses should be sent an email. Tell them that you want out of the bar scene and will wait for them to come back to Thailand on their annual four weeks holiday. But you will need financial support since you don't work in the bar anymore. It will not take long time before all of your five boyfriends will transfer money to your bank account every month. And if you should party too much and need some more money, just tell them you have been sick and have to pay hospital 5.000 baht. If that doesn't help never use the story about you being pregnant and the baby is his as it will soon or later backfire on you.

4. Practice crying on queue. Whenever something sad or bad happens - or even something that you just don't like, it is essential that you can produce tears immediately. This will have the effect of helping the walking ATM machine to see things your way!

5. When you get a customer for more than a week, make sure he takes you shopping at the nearest gold shop. Tell him that all your friends have so much gold but you have nothing. Make sure he buy enough gold so your friends will envy you. Later when one of your boyfriends forget to send the monthly money, a pawn shop is never far away.

6. To keep our trade secrets for ourselves do not speak Thai with your friends when locally based farangs are inside the bars. But rather use Lao, Khmer or any other local dialects that you may know. It's bad enough that some of them can speak, and God forbid, some can even read Thai too, but Laos and Khmer should be kept as sacrosanct. Under no circumstances should the farang be taught our regional dialects.

7. Always see him off at the airport. Thai baht cannot be used in his country, so it is highly likely that he will give you all of his leftover as he leaves and says good-bye. Say no to the money, tell him you like him very much and don't need it.

8. Search for Asian customers. They understand that we like to gamble, and they understand that we have lots of unemployed brothers and sisters who need to eat. Therefore, they pay a lot better than the farangs. And, their dicks are often smaller, and they finish a lot quicker too. Bonus! If you find that the Japanese men like you, go out and dye your hair as this is what they like best.

9. Remember, when you get paid, you must always ask for money to Tuk-Tuk and give him the excuse that Tuk-Tuk drivers cannot give change on big notes. Do not let him know that you live only a few hundred meters from his hotel. Instead tell him that you live in Karon. That should earn you another 300 baht. If Tuk-Tuk money isn't forthcoming, see rule #4.

10. If you are no longer making money in Bangkok, move down to Phuket where you will be able to start making money again. There are many elderly men in Phuket who will appreciate your long experience with men. Even if you are approaching 50, it is no problem as the elderly walking ATM machines appreciate inner beauty and more experienced women.

(Freely translated from Stickman Weekly 26)
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